Do you have a living trust made out? Is it filed in a safe place? Do you want to be able to make the final decisions on your own life? Have you informed your family about this?

The questions above are the most important questions you will ever have to answer. When an emergency happens to a loved one sometimes immediate decisions have to be made.

My mother had been taken by my uncle to the emergency room in excruciating pain. She was kept there for over eight hours while tests had been run on her. The doctors found nothing wrong with her at this time and released her. Two hours later, once again the pains started and she was rushed by ambulance back to the hospital.

At this time, my mother underwent surgery for a bleeding ulcer. Two days later the bleeding resumed and another surgery was performed. I was aware of the surgeries and had spoken to my mother on the phone. She was weak but seemed okay.

When I received a call from my sister that our mother was not improving, I dropped everything and jumped on the first plane I could catch for the East coast.

When I first walked into my mother’s hospital room, I could not believe the woman that now laid on the bed. She had just been to visit me four months earlier. She had been in good health at that time and only complained of slight indigestion. Now the shock of her lying on the bed barely able to lift her head was tremendous. She was to weak to write and could not talk because of the respirator down her throat.

The doctors and nurses at first felt that she was a strong woman and would beat the respirator. She underwent one more surgery at this time removing the respirator in her mouth and attaching it in her throat.

Now six weeks had passed and it seemed less likely she would ever beat the respirator and breathe on her own.

Even though my mother had quit smoking about fifteen years ago, she had been a heavy smoker for years. At that time, she smoked unfiltered cigarettes and her lungs had become obstructed.

The nurse asked us the most dreaded question you could ever get asked in your life. “Do you want the respirator turned off?”

My sister and I looked at each other and reluctantly said, “Yes.” We both felt like our world had just crashed. We knew our vibrant mother, so full of life would not want to live on a respirator for the rest of her life.

Then the doctor asked my mother that dreaded question. My mother’s mind was still intact, she immediately mouthed the words, “yes, disconnect the respirator.”

The nurse asked us if our mother had left a living trust. We said we did not know but we would look for it.

We asked our mother what her last wish was. All she wanted to do was go outside one more time. With a respiratory therapist and the entire family following along behind, she was wheeled out into the bright sunshine and was happy to be outside her favorite place one last time.

My sister and I went home and started to search thorough my mother’s papers. We wanted to find a living trust which stated her final wishes. We found the paper and gave it to the nurse in the morning. That evening the respirator was turned off.

The family was gathered around her bed with family members from five states present. My mother was a well loved woman. She did not die that evening but managed to live one more week when she died peacefully in her sleep.

No child should have to make the decision of turning off a respirator for their parent. It is our responsibility as an adult to make out our living trust. This way it takes the decision making out of our hands and puts the decision into our parent’s hands.

My mother was able to convey her wishes to the doctor about turning off her respirator. But what if she would not have been able to do this? My sister and I, knowing we had made the correct decision, would have felt guilt for the rest of our lives.

I know my mother is happy in heaven and watches down on her beloved family. It gives me the courage to face each new day.

Please check out my other articles. I would love to hear from you. Just leave a comment on this article or any of my other
articles.

Copyright 2006 Linda Meckler

Linda has memories of the tragic time when her mother was hospitalized with a respirator. She wants all of us to have a Living Trust signed and filed away.

Currently she is the author of “Ghost Kids Trilogy,” three books in one book. CHRISTY 12, AND HER BROTHER BRAD, 16 MOVE INTO AN OLD HOUSE ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN AND MEET TWO GHOST KIDS. Meet a Magical Blue Vase. Join Christy and Brad on a Pirates’ Treasure Hunt. ADVENTURE/MYSTERY Love, Family Values and Charity burst off the pages.

Visit my website at http://www.lmeckler.com my email lmecky@tns.net. Order my book at http://www.amazon.com or http://www.buybooksontheweb.com With an order of 5 books = 40% discount. An order of 20 books free shipping and handling. ISBN 0-7414-2273-5.

Life has always been a journey, a journey of finding of one true self and happiness. As however destined, all journeys will eventually find its very own destination and it is inevitable that every one of us will eventually have to depart from this world.

Many a times in our life, we have to experience the soreness of actually witnessing the departure of some of our very loved ones. With tears we bid them farewell, to a faraway land they go. Silently they might have left us, but spiritually around, we know they will always be.

Lots and lots of wonderful memories and guidance they have left us with, making this world ever so beautiful. Thinking back now, don’t they just bring you smile again? These beautiful memories certainly deserve to live on and not to fade away slowly from our mind, sadly dying off as we eventually join them in that faraway land. Generations to generations they deserve to pass on down forever.

Memory would be considered the best gift you could ever dedicate to your dearly departed loved ones. Don’t you like to share with your friends and family, all those wonderful memories you have and so dearly cherished? Telling the world how proud you are to have them, as your most dearly loved ones and how you will always remember them? Though they might not longer be with us anymore but deep down within our heart, we know that they will always be with us, staying alive forever…

A dedication of a little memorial specially to your loved ones is always a nice way of remembering them. It could certainly bring about an ever-lasting memory to all those wonderful and nevertheless meaningful stories and guidance that deserve to live on.
Putting them down in your most genuine words on a memorial page would definitely be a truthful and meaningful way of commemorating your loved ones.

With today’s Internet, we could even further present it as an online memorial, making it possible to be sharing with friends and family from all around the world. Likewise, to nevertheless be able to also, include photographs of the dearly departed, creating an even ever-lasting memory for all.

Well, you may not be the world best novel writer but your words for your loved ones, will definitely be the most truthful and touching gift ever to be dedicated to them.

Rick Valens

Freelance Writer for http://www.ecemetery.org,
Monument of Eternal Memory

Currently also the staff writer for http://www.loveletterbox.com,
Love Relationship Discussion Forum

NOTE: You’re free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.

Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds the mask that brings moisture, oxygen and medicine to her babygirls lungs as she struggles against the slime that threatens to suffocate her.

On the walls of the childrens wing in the Akershus Universityhospital near Oslo, bright art shines. Highly skilled and trained personell runs and bikes through the corridors, figures in strongly colored paper tremble in the wake of their passage.

This place should be cheerful.

A doctor makes her second attempt at finding a vein in the arm of my 14 days old girl. No luck. The veins in her head are easier to locate.

Anna cries at every touch. Breastfeeding, the favorite activity in her short life, seems without interest. Sometimes she forgets to breathe, and we must stroke her chest to remind her.

Four days ago I slept fitfully at the same place with another child. Aleksander, my oldest, came to me after bedtime, crying. Every breath hurt.

At the hospital, every conceivable test was taken. X-rays, ultrasound, EKG, CRP, culture growth, urinesamples - nothing was found. Aleksander, who without flinching gets tackled on the soccerfield, cried.
The next morning he was fine.

The Pakistani girl keeps struggling. Anna turns grey. Her CRP indicates an infection; a tube in her nose brings breastmilk to her stomach while the IV in her head provides antibiotics and saline.

In a quiet room of the hospital, my body clenches. Tears flood my eyes.

I take two deep breaths. No time for tears. Not yet.

Back in 1997, my wife woke me in the middle of the night. Something was wrong with the five-month old fetus inside her.

A few hours later she miscarried in this hospital.

I wrote a song to the little girl that left us.

Never fly
© H.R.Ueland 2003

There are still flowers in the gutter
There is still beauty in the world
I’m sure that butterflies will some day flutter
Even though this baby’s cries will not be heard

The sun will rise again tomorrow
The moon will silver from the sky
And my neck will still be bent with sorrow
For the tiny child whose thoughts will never fly

I hope you’re safe from grief and sorrow
I hope you’re comfortable and warm
I hope that in a distant, far tomorrow
I will meet this child and hold her in my arm

This song might be up at http://www.haakon.nu when you read this.

Be well, all. Take care of yourself and each other.

[My Anna got home from the hospital after a week. Her condition steadily improved. She was probably infected with the Coxsackie-virus - google it, esp. if you’ve got kids. You do NOT want your kid to get this without knowing the symptoms - it can seriously damage the heart and the brain unless treatments starts very early. And not only can it be fatal - it is a highly contagious condition, infecting through air/surfaces.]

Haakon Rian Ueland is a former columnist of the Mensa International Journal, where this article was first published. http://smartsoftware.org is dedicated to various cellphones and to his column. You can contact him at hueland (at) gmail (dot) com.

Science-of-Learning

Is learning a ’science’ or an ‘art’ - if it’s a science it can be analyzed and replicated. An ‘art’ is much harder - personality plays a large role in communicating effectively with executives, professionals and students.

There are three authentic ‘geniuses’ in teaching - Epicurus (341-270 B.C.E.),who is credited with pointing us toward sensual pleasures and luxury. He actually taught that humans are born to pursue pleasure and avoid pain.

Second, is Abraham Maslow, who offered the Hierarchy-of-Values, and the Four Stages of Learning - and helped changed psychology from Behaviorism (no feelings or emotions), to Humanism. More later.

Third, is Roger W. Sperry, who spent thirty-years of his career discovering the evidence that we have two cranial independent brains. He received the Nobel Prize for his Split-Brain research while at California Institute of Technology.

Professor Maslow Said

The most difficult aspect of speed reading is getting students to believe they are capable of Tripling their reading speed - and practicing and rehearsing to create
a neuroconnection and neuropathway in their brains. Once they have physically practiced for fifteen-minutes daily, between 21 to 42 days, using a RasterMaster to underline the sentences, they begin to acquire a habit - and speed reading becomes natural and an automatic skill.

Every athletic team - football, baseball, soccer etc. must practice daily to hone their skills and gain team feedback. To triple your reading speed - with excellent comprehension - you have to rehearse your strategies and techniques.

It applies to physical skills and absolutely is a requirement for your cognitive gifts and talents. Griping does not change the need for practice - until it becomes a
habit.

The Four Stages of Skill

First, ‘Unconscious Incompetence’ - some call it ’subconscious’ or ‘non-conscious’,
but we are referring to not using logic-reason-ordered thinking.

This is the ‘worse’ of the four - because we don’t even know that we are ignorant of how to perform the skill. We don’t have the information to realize we are ‘out-of-the-loop. Imagine functioning today without computers and the Internet - and not even being aware how you make them function.

Second, Conscious Incompetence - we know that computers and the Internet exist and are valuable - but personally have no idea how to turn-on the damned thing.
Every time we pass the computer - we want to run out of the room - it makes us
anxious and stressed because we know we are not competitive in the 21st century.

Add this - it is outside of our ‘comfort-zone’, and when we attempt to discover the
secrets of the computer - we screw it up. It is frustrating and annoying.

Third, Conscious Competence - we can do the darn-thing, but it requires all our Intention-Attention and Concentration. We are thinking our way through the process, and it feels unnatural and foreign.

Fourth, Unconscious Competence - it is a habit - we are operating on auto-pilot, we are operating holistically without having to tell ourselves what to do step-by-step.
Ever see a professional secretary operate the keyboard, handle a telephone call, and
order lunch for the staff simultaneously? Remember when you first learned to surf-the web, and all the errors you made? I couldn’t even ‘point-and-click’, or find ‘edit’, to hit Select-All and Copy. Now your brains and hand fly through the commands.

We forget the tension, frustration and lack of control in learning to ride-a-bike,
drive-a-car, or way-back - walking upright.

Strategies to Learn Anything

OK - there are four stages of learning - here’s how I remember them.

a) University of Iowa (Unconscious-Incompetence) -
b) CIA - Conscious Incompetence,
c) Carbon-Copy - Conscious Competence,
d) University of California - (Unconscious Competence).

What strategies help our brain shift-gears from #1 to #4?

The first step to moving between learning stages is to send orders (commands)to our brain. The three most powerful senses to communicate back-and-forth to our brain are: Vision - Hearing and Kinesthetic (tactile - touch).

Stay with me - if you write or word-process a Target-Affirmation (order), to your brain - using new programming - it grabs attention. When you write or type you hear the words in your mind, see the sentences with your Primary Visual Cortex, and by using your fingertips - use your tactile - sense of touch. Simultanously firing all three primary-senses reinforces your new programming.

Example for Speed Reading:

“Everyday in every way,

I give myself permission

to triple my reading speed,

and get better-and-better.”

Write or type these four sentences eight (8) times daily, for
21 days, and it becomes implanted as a brain-command. Write or type with feeling and emotion - to make it stick.

Act as-if, think as-if, and feel as-if you already have
the object of your burning-desire. Give it a Duchenne-Smile, laugh and feel great
about it. Expectations and your emotions rule!

Permission

Why do you have to give yourself permission to do something new-and-different?

Humans operate 99% on habit and experience - it creates our ‘comfort-zone’.

Everything else is seen by our brain as invading our comfort-zone and rejected.

Only by creating a new habit - running on auto-pilot - will we be happy and comfortable in accepting newsness-and-change into our lives.

How to Speed-Up Your Learning Stages

Whatever you see in your mind’s eye is immediately transmitted to both your left-
and right-hemispheres (brains). Mental imagery occurs ’spontaneously’ based on our neurocircuitry (see stream-of-consciousness) - or by using our Volition (choose, will), to insert it in our visual-cortex. Some believe imagery begins in the precuneus
area of our brain.

Whatever appears as a mental-image is treated by the brain as reality. The original work was done at Harvard by Professor Stephen Kosslyn, and has been replicated
over the following thirty-years. When we practice creating mental-movies of the goals we desire - they are treated as Target-Affirmations by our brain. It is a computer-command and must be implemented. Think of our mind as the software, and the brain as the hardware.

When we are writing or typing our dailyTarget-Affirmation as an exercise, simultaneously imagine and create a simple mental-picture of what you want to occur. The picture can be simple - but the greater the detail - the more effective.

An example for Speed reading is seeing your pacer underlining the words
down the page, or your pen ‘underlining’ the sentences. See the pacer -moving and
leaving a trace. Some students mentally-visualize the Z-for-Zorro down the page or
the Backward ‘S’ strategy - to shift your brain from incompetence to unconscious-competence, competence on auto-pilot.

Sperry’s Split-Brain Theory

Since 1981 when Dr. Sperry won the Nobel to date, the general public has accepted
the concept of specialization and localization of our brain - faster than the scientific
community.

We live and operate in a left-brained society - based on language, deductive and inductive thinking, reason and order. It has created skyscrapers and dams, wealth and a growing economy. We behave linearly and serially (one job-at-a-time), and
have been taught to distrust emotion - and our right-brain.

Our right-hemisphere is generally non-verbal, but is very skillful in pattern-recognition, visual-spatial skills, intuition, and operates as a parallel-processor,
(multi-tasking).

The two brains which can operate independently of each other - share knowledge
through the corpus-callosum, and the anterior and hippocampal commissures.
Our left is dominant 95% of the time while we are awake. When we sleep our left
brain releases its dominance and merely supervises. Our cognitive skills work
at their optimal-level when both brains are mutually involved.

Speed Reading is a psycho-motor skill - combining left-brain language skills,
with a right-brain dominance for pattern recognition, imagination and creativity.

EndPage

To obtain your burning-desires from cognitive-skills to new or improved relationships, together with wealth and success - you might consider using
modified Target-Affirmations and Mental-Visualizations. They work if you
practice and rehearse using ‘persistence-and-determination’.

Even those of us with inborn natural gifts and talents - born-to-play the piano - require massive practice and rehearsal to develop and maintain our acute optimal level.

We are not advocating ditching our left-brain skills - merely admitting to the game
our right-brain talents to release our personal brilliance.

We have received emails and telephone calls from graduates worldwide indicating
Speed Reading is the tip of the iceberg in producing positive-personal-growth.

The secrets of acquiring wealth and happiness begin with giving yourself permission
to enlarge your comfort-zone. The next step is practice and rehearsal of the
specific strategies that produce your burning-desires.

It appears that executives, professionals and school-students are capable of producing their own promotions, wealth-creation, and personal-relationships
far beyond the mere tripling of their reading speed, and doubling their memory.

Go for it today.

See ya.
copyright © 2005
H. Bernard Wechsler
www.speedlearning.org
hbw@speedlearning.org

Author of #1 book on Speed Learning, published by Barron’s
Educational, partner of Evelyn Wood, the creator of speed reading,
graduating 2 million, including the White House staff of four
U.S. Presidents.
http://www.speedlearning.org
hbw@speedlearning.org

Although PropertyIndex.com is still a fairly young syndicate, (they were incorporated only in March 2007), they have established their expertise very quickly. In point of fact a fairly unostentatious syndicate entirely concentrated on offering their expert guidance to every client who is determined to buy, sell, rent etc. real estate assets across the world. What they pledge to do is to be of help to you to light on exactly what you are calling for fast plus, of course, unproblematically.

Property can be purchased all over the world presently, arguably the coolest area being estate you can purchase in Spain. It should really be no problem to list some of the sensational property available for sale in Spain, one rationale for selecting estate here being the houses and apartments you can purchase and the opportunity of living amongst this fervent population.

It’s one of the truly popular markets presently, and in view of the scenic beauty and the sunshine surrounding you all day long, how could you ever be wrong… Property in Spain is very rich in history, culture and art, this realm of the world has a long tradition as a home to a number of sophisticated cultures.

Some one generation ago there’d be only very few of English people keen on property in Spain. Ask any one single person who has chosen to move to Spain and they’ll confirm it. Some people would will insist on viewing it as a momentary trend and others will insist on viewing it as a virtually a fetish! People who are looking to migrate to this region may range from young freshly weds who are looking for a challenge in life to retired people who want to enjoy retirement.

Note that you might hit on some drawbacks when acquiring property in a foreign market — there are 100s of different steps be it when scheduling, paying a visit or purchasing. If you miss out on one single action this is liable to easily give rise to sweeping drawbacks as well as, more important, financial loss.

As you’re sure to anticipate with this popular destination, property may be pricey in this area which is, of course, just a result of the increasing demand. Nevertheless customers certainly are spoiled in such a region full of fantastic landscape. Patently it’s got the whole enchilada anyone may hanker for, and plenty more.

Property Index are specialists for property in Spain, view the site to see the different properties.

Chamonix town is a unique destination with the impressive Monte Bianco as well as jagged glaciers. All of us love to go walking or even taking the tourist train. I invariably get a flight from Bellingham and stay at a Chamonix chalet during my holiday.

My family and I used to stayed in Atlantis Paradise Island Royal Towers however it sometimes didn’t meet the standards of its description: With its unique murals, sculptures, fountains, and the Great Hall of Waters, the beachfront Atlantis Royal Towers offers easy access to Atlantis’ new AQUAVENTURE, a sprawling waterscape of pools, waterslides, and rivers. The Slide Tower has four waterslides in a 120-foot tower: the Abyss (a 50-foot, near vertical drop ending in an underground lair of prehistoric alligator gars), the Drop (which propels riders up the tower via water jets and then down through the Tower’s dark center), the Falls, and the Surge. AQUAVENTURE also houses a mile-long river ride and 11 rock climbing walls. With a focus on conservation and education, Dolphin Cay offers interactions with 20 bottlenose dolphins in their own habitat. Guests can also observe more than 50,000 marine mammals at Altantis’ Marine Habitat, which includes underground tunnels surrounded by sharks, open-air lagoons, and passageways with stingrays and piranhas. Balinese-inspired treatments are available in the two-story Mandara Spa’s 35 treatment rooms. An outdoor marketplace, Marina Village, showcases local culture throughout its 20 shops. Additional recreational facilities include 11 lagoons; 13 swimming areas; the Dig, an underground maze of corridors and viewing tanks containing sea creatures; the Mayan Temple’s five waterslides; Turtle Beach, a sanctuary for native turtles; an 8,000-square-foot casino; a two-story nightclub; Sports Center, complete with tennis courts; and plenty of watersports. The property’s 35 restaurants and bars range from casual fare to gourmet dining with celebrity chefs Bobby Flay, Jean Georges Vongerichten, and Nobu Matsuhisa. Rooms have air-conditioning, satellite TV, sitting areas, balconies, minibars, hairdryers, irons, safes, and dial-up Internet access (fee applies).

However in Chamonix town the guesthouse is always fine. Furthermore eating out in our groups preferred French restaurant, Dolgich Imported Food & Gift CO, enjoying jimmy buffett’s margaritaville restaurant perfect margarita is a delight. Chamonix France is a large enough place to insure that there is plenty for the holiday maker to do. Amongst other things it includes a museum and a number of restaurants, Chamonix offers a combination of skiing, French charm and shopping which few French ski resorts can match.

The endless, immeasurable brain. It does seem like more we discover about it, the more mystery we create.
Perhaps the most intriguing of all is the child’s brain. In certain ways, children are the most brilliant people in the world. They have the ability to absorb more information than we can conceive of as adults.

Divided into two primary spheres which communicate with one other, the brain has numerous parts, each having very distinct functions.
The cerebral cortex is the factory of thought, learning, voluntary movement, language and reason. The cerebellum, the primary hub of the brain, is responsible for movement and balance. The hypothalamus senses heat and hunger while it controls sleep and a variety of other behaviors.
In addition, The brain contains cerebrospinal fluid, which basically keeps the brain afloat. This fluid that travels from the brain all the way down to the spinal cord protects the brain from the damage that can be caused by car accidents and the like.

A child is born with over one hundred billion brain cells, or neurons. These form connections called synapses which make up the actual wiring of the brain. The brain’s growth is largely due to changes in each individual neuron, which often resemble trees.

The first 3 years of a child’s life is quite important to brain development and will determine the strength and function of the wiring system.
Babies thrive on direct interaction in the same way that trees thrive on water and sun. Researchers found that kids who are often spoken to by their mothers learn almost 300 more words by the age of two than kids whose mothers barely speak to them.

Perhaps the primary difference between the child brain and the adult brain is that the young brain is much more impressionable. That is good since it means that young kids’s brains are much more open to enriching things. But it is also bad as it means their brains are much more vulnerable to non-nurturing environments and the mental trauma and developmental problems that come along with that.

For more information about brain function visit Fish Oil, Brain Research to learn more.

Ryan Joseph is a writer and researcher. Fore more info go to http://www.fishoilresearch.com/

Many of the banks wil show you a rate of interest that looks clean but doesn’t feel comfortably or so after a while. You should be vivid today to analyze if you have a nice special offer or if you don’t with the merchant bank that offers you a money loan. It doesn’t matter if you live in Minnetonka Minnesota or in McKinney Texas a right online check up will redeem you often a lot of disorder. At present you can suss out rates of interest quickly online and cypher if there are other conditions you should be aware of.

The Dutch translation means: Woon je in Gulpen-Wittem of Woensdrecht en heeft u BKR codering. Lenen met een BKR notering is nergens zo eenvoudig. Verwen jezelf met een andere auto met zonder bkr registratie lenen, 137277 euro is altijd mogelijk om te financieren. Van Veldhoven tot Houten, geld lenen met zonder BKR kan hier altijd.

That’s why now you need to check and protrude if you can have a bank loan at a secure percent loan rate. 8.1 percent interest rate may come along so bonny but will that be the same after you’re going to pay back your bank loan. Inspect to see if the bank who is tending to give you a loan is safe. A moneylender in Barnstable Massachusetts or so may have a total totally different actual loan rate for a 27500 dollar credit loan then a bank in Largo Florida and that makes a vast clear difference in your weekly pay offs.

Lay Vicheka’s 30 Quotes For August 2005

by Lay Vicheka

August 27, 2005

1. Unless you know who you are, you can’t proceed further.

2. Any existent product is started with “aspiration”.

3. Every path has its end and will be totally broken one day, educational path has no termination and will always demand betterments from day to day.

4. Start your new life, by wondering, “what is the purpose of my life”.

5. Never forget your past, but be always obsessive with your aspiring future.

6. Be genuinely honest with your self, then you will still be satisfied though today is your final day.

7. Be ambitious, but in your own way, not another’s way.

8. If one thing makes you regretful, there are countless more things, near and far, longing for your fulfillment.

9. Fulfill as much as possible for this life, because you don’t know that whether next life exists or not. Whether next life elitists or not is not important, because life and death has its own motive.

10. For self-actualization, self-independence is not adequate; you need to be financially sovereign.

11. If you think you are good and others think that you are good, you don’t need to boast about yourself, let the others boast about you, then you have no mistakes.

12. Be always alert! Making your life as serious as doing a huge investment.

13. Looking around you! There is nothing that is made of funny endeavor, but all are the products of serious hardship. So should your life be product-oriented or nothingness-oriented? You might be mature enough to answer this question.

14. You are contradicting the law if you stop fulfilling yourself, while you still eat three times per day, drink enough water, enjoy daily snack, and have adequate sleep.

15. Your hope must prevail, as you are entitled to have today and tomorrow

16. Be sympathetic to your surrounding living entities, then you will be satisfied with who you are and what you have accomplished.

17. Write you own constitution, and firmly respect it from cradle to crave. And hold it even in the last minute of your life.

18. There are many forms of entertainment, but not all entertainment is intelligent. Some entertainments are stupid. You decide yourself, which entertainment is intelligent and which is stupid.

19. Do not expect to have everything, you will have it when you don’t have to think about it.

20. Take serious approaches to every daily routine and solution.

21. You innately preserve the right to tell lie, but you are fully accountable for its repercussion.

22. You are lucky to live until today, since just a minute ago you was not accidentally murdered. Learn how to use you luck for another luck.

23. Always bear in mind that, every complication starts with simplicity, every civilization starts with simple thought.

24. Take some times alone every day to think of your surrounding.

25. Human being must firmly hold dignity in both life and death.

26. The most important of education is “understanding”

27. No one will be able to convince that you are the loser, if you thought you are the winner within your self.

28. No one at all that can distinguish between right and wrong, fact and fiction, it is within you to judge it.

29. No one is totally better than another, because philosopher can’t play football

30. Take philosophical approach to everything

The other day I was sitting with a group of people at an informal picnic. As I chatted with the man next to me, our attention was drawn to a woman a few tables away who was telling a story. “Look how animated her face is!” the man commented. And, indeed, her facial expressions reflected her total involvement in what she was describing. It was impossible not to be drawn in, too, and I smiled because it was enjoyable just to watch her.

I thought about my relationship with this particular woman. I don’t know her well, but over the last week I had gotten to know her better because we were involved in the same volunteer work. In the past I had been put off at times by what I saw as an “in your face” style. She was often the center of activity and I had that feeling that I used to have in high school watching the “popular” kids. Perhaps I was feeling envious.

But I’ve been out of high school for a long time, and realized that she doesn’t have the characteristics of self-centered high school girls. She isn’t cruel, or dismissive. She is comfortable being a leader and directing things, but she is also empathic and able to relate to people one-on-one, putting them at ease and helping them feel included.

I realized I was seeing authenticity in action, someone who is very true to who she is and who doesn’t alter her behavior to suit others. In her case, she is extroverted and outgoing and draws people to her like a magnet.

Wouldn’t we all like to be that authentic? Why are we afraid to let ourselves be seen like that? Here’s what I observed about her.

Characteristics of an authentic person:

* She expresses herself spontaneously, i.e. she doesn’t unduly censor her thoughts and wait 5 minutes to say something (long after the opportunity has passed!) * She isn’t afraid or hesitant to address people she doesn’t know. * She is friendly and drawn to others. * She is curious about people and asks questions. * She looks people in the eye when she speaks to them. * She doesn’t hold back; when she needs to say something, she says it. * She is present - you get the sense that she is right there with you, not preoccupied or distracted. * She goes out of her way to help others. * If she has an inkling that she had gone too far, she checks in with others to verify that, and makes amends if necessary.

You might have other characteristics that you would put on this list. To be authentic, you don’t have to be exactly like this person, i.e. you don’t have to turn yourself into an extrovert or be the life of the party. But you do need to tune in, be true to yourself, and be willing to express yourself.

How do you do that? People in recovery often come from families with addictions, and as such we have modified our behaviors in particular ways. We are used to reining ourselves in, scanning the environment to see how we’re coming across, ready to tone ourselves down when necessary. We don’t like people to be angry with us, or to not like us. We’d like to please everyone, if it were humanly possible.

The advice that a psychiatrist gave me, in a recovery group for ACAs, was to err on the side of being uncomfortable. In other words, my sense of what I could say and what I couldn’t was so flawed that he encouraged me just to speak out–and even with that I probably wouldn’t be as outspoken as the “normal” person!

If we just start by stepping out more, taking a chance by saying something, tolerating the discomfort we might feel by being more visible, then over time we can learn to hone our new skills.

And the odd thing is, when we show who we truly are - warts and all - without hiding important parts of ourselves, we tend to attract other people to us. Authenticity has a way of engaging others, rather than being off-putting.